Esteemed Advertising Companies -
I regret to inform you that your creepy-pasta stalking methods have utterly failed you.
You seek to gather up all the little droppings I leave behind when browsing the internet- where I go, what I do, how often I do it, what I search for, what I buy, how long I stare at Benedict Cumberbatch's cheekbones - in an effort to compile a secret data file on the inner workings of my mind. This data file, you reason, could then be used to temp me with my deepest, darkest temptations, and present me with ads that would serve as a metaphorical blowdart full of distilled consumerism to the jugular.
Which is why I am disappointed - nay, appalled - at how terrifically off the mark all the ads you shove in my face have been. To put it in coarser language: you missed the barn when aiming at it from three feet away with an RPG.
I expected to see panels advertising literary magazines, or perhaps banners pimping the latest Dresden Files book. I waited and hoped for the day I would be peppered with ads telling me that the the cast of Sherlock (BBC) would soon be making a publicity appearance near my home town. Even shady pop-ups trying to get me to buy art classes like a guy in a trenchcoat hawking watches would have been mildly acceptable.
Instead, I get....boobs. Big boobs, bouncing boobs, almost-coming-out-of-the-dress boobs, all attached to 15-year-old anime girls in fantasy "armor". They appear in floating pop-ups, in videos I can't pause (or mute), in side bars that stretch the entire length of the page and take up almost half of the visual space. These Boobs flounce and bob and, on one particularly disturbing occasion, jiggled in opposite directions as if possessed of individual sentience. It's as if these "games" are trying to batter me into clicking on those flashing links just by the shear force of those titanic monstrosities poking out from every corner of my screen.
Oh yes, I forget to mention. All these adds are for quote-un-quote Fantasty Games, with such inspiring subtitles as "male gamers only".
And here's the thing:
I have never, not once, played any of these "games". I have never even searched on google for these games. I don't go to porn websites, I don't haunt hentai anime forums, I don't even try to find pictures of big-breasted celebrities. In what bizarro mirror world could these advertising companies with their fancy algorithms and their mountains of data on my personal life possibly believe that I would ever be interested in seeing these ads???
And for the record, I am not the least bit tempted to try out the latest version of the male-only "Angel Sanctuary."
Not At All Yours,
Virginia
PS: Thank God for adblock
